Be Your Own Fairy Godmother

How many unhappy people did you see today?  How much bitching, moaning, whining, and complaining did you hear –or even participate in yourself?

If we are all so unhappy, why don’t we do something about it? It’s not that hard to change what you think.

But it is hard to STOP.

Here’s the rub. Feeling happy is uncomfortable.  The happy vibration clashes with the vibration we have, like fingernails on a chalk board–or listening to Pachelbel’s Canon when you are expecting Radiohead. Imagine an old-school rapper being forced to listen to  Saint Saens, or vice versa.

It’s like a new pair of Birkenstocks. You have to wear them a while before they take on the shape of your feet. It takes a few days to break them in.  If you just jump on them and go on a ten-mile hike, you won’t make it.

Changing an emotional state is the same way. It takes effort to think new thoughts with positive messages and then NOT to follow them with cynical or sarcastic humor that just slaps us us back down where we are used to being.

You think, “I could win the lottery,”  raising your vibration to hope. But then you add, “I’d just have to hide out from everyone who wanted to get my money.”

That CLUNK sound is your vibration hitting bottom.

You dutifully write your affirmations:  I am debt free. I am healthy. I am thin…but with each stroke of the pen, you think about how much shorter than the month your paycheck is, or how thin people have to watch what they eat, or how hard it would be to exercise.

CLUNK.

Being unhappy is only comfortable because you are used to it. You practice it very hard every day.

If you worked at anything as hard as you work at being unhappy, you’d be the world’s leading expert. That big weight that holds you down and makes you tired when you get up in the morning is the chain of unhappiness you forged yesterday, and that you are forging every minute that you aren’t working to be postive.

Try for fifteen minutes, five minutes even,  to think a positive thought whenever you hear something unhappy.  Do you get stopped by the traffic light? Admire the glow of the red light.  Congratulate yourself for driving safely.  Take a deep breath and say, “I’m doing well today.”  Anything positive.

Every time you start to say “Yes, But…”, STOP.

Start
Talking
Only
Positive.

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The old oak lets the other plants grow in its branches.

I heard my coworker complaining about one of our prospective students–one we probably don’t want. How hard it was to let her speak her truth and not try to change her mind. That her words irritated me shows me that I still want to fix other people.

That doesn’t work. It really doesn’t work when they don’t ask to be fixed, since they don’t see themselves as broken. That’s my perception.

Heal myself is all I can do.

Speak what I want. Think what I want. Meditate on what I want. Ask for what I want, and work while I am waiting for the answers to tell me what to do next. It’s so simple.

Not a big ritual with lots of drama. Not an unpronounceable incantation.  No fireworks or immolation or pain.  Simply changing my mind, at the right time, NOW.

It may not be my job to figure out how I can get what I want, what steps to take,  what jobs to do, because first I must believe, and imagine, and trust that what I want, wants me too.

No, that’s not very realistic.  But so far, realistic hasn’t done much for me. I do have to pay the bills and go in to work every day, at least for now, until I can see what the next step is.  I can be at peace where I am as I am working and waiting. After all, the job I have now is a cinch compared to others I have done.

It’s a manifestation along the way to have a full-time job with benefits doing work I like and learning new stuff every day. It’s a manifestation to find old pastimes boring and to be restless for writing and other creative activities. It’s a manifestation to see beauty in both sun and rain, wind and calm, weeds and flowers.

It hasn’t always been that way, but I am learning.  Think about what I want ONLY. Say what I want ONLY.  Find those rosy, optimistic glasses and put them over my mental filter.  I am more aware every day of the good things that come to me and how lucky I truly am.   The more aware I am, the more blessings come my way.

May you, too, blessed be.

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I had a wonderful opportunity yesterday to change my vibration. I went to the Mac Arnold tour to hear some blues–and some righteous blues I heard. But somewhere along the way, a self-styled “green” band called Jonas Sees in Color came out to play.  They are young and apparently hot with a freshman video soon to be on MTV–I didn’t know MTV still did videos, but hey, I’m off the grid.  They were loud–but it was probably the sound mix in the hangar where I was sitting rather than the band, despite the intense roar of white noise that they seemed to produce.  The band did a straight-forward “Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band” cover, very high energy but at least recognizable, sort of a sop to us old folks, but the rest was incomprehensible.

There’s a truism here: we tend to like what we know.  Anything unfamiliar is less appealing than something recognizable.

Maybe if I had gone out on the tarmac, I could have sorted out the keyboard, vocals and three guitars to appreciate their original music.  Now I know, if it’s too loud, you’re too old…I get it. I’m old.  Even Mac Arnold’s band  sounded better out in the parking lot, later on  as I was headed to my car, than he did in the hangar. Acoustics is part of the delivery, and the sounds weren’t working for me.

But I decided to enjoy the performance. The singer was very much the front man, dancing, sweating, jumping around like he was hooked up to 220 volts. The kids (high schoolers, maybe?) at the stage seemed to be having a great time, some of them dancing, but mostly leaning on the stage to get as close as possible. I had to wonder if the Beatles sounded like this to my grandparents some forty years ago today.  The band was obviously professional in their onstage communication with each other, and they appeared to be having a blast.

Even though the band wasn’t to my taste, nor was the country band the Piedmont Boys,   I could pay attention to what they were doing, rather than complaining or being upset. That is how to change vibration. Make up your mind to do something different, to change your experience, and your world changes. I found some things to enjoy even though it wasn’t the music.

The theme of the tour is “I can do anything.” Yes, I can  if I change my vibration.

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Sunbow

Finding a moment requires looking for it. Photographing takes preparation and maybe a change in perspective.

I always look for sunbows or sundogs as some folks call them.  It only takes a hazy day when the sun is about a quarter of the day above the horizon and the clouds around it are the right kind–wispy, very high in the stratosphere and at the right angle from the viewers perspective.

Once I learned to look for them, they are not hard to find. They are hard to photograph though, at least with my cellphone from my car, as you can see below.

Sundog at Sunset

The colors of the sundog fade into the brilliance of the nearby sun, and well, telephones are not the best cameras…could also the the operator?

This post is not so much about frozen clouds or how light scatters into the arc of a spectrum as it is about looking for what you want to see and being ready to look in a different way.

From my previous lack of success in capturing the colors of the sundog, a short arc (15 degrees maybe) of rainbow, I wanted to get a shot of the larger sunbow, hoping that the colors would come through.  I stopped my car in a church parking lot, where I was able to see the sundog through my sunroof  (I love my Kia Soul!!!).  With the sunroof masking the sun, I could see the sunbow, and so could my camera.

While I won’t be winning any Pulitzers for photography, this does illustrate the concept of looking for what you want to see, and not looking at what you don’t want to see–focusing attention.  I knew if that if I got out of the car to take the picture, as I did with the sundog,  it would turn out with no colors.  But using the sunroof in my car as a mask shaded out the brilliance of the sun so that the lesser shine of the sunbow could be recorded. Using Photoshop to enhance the image brings out what I saw, not what my camera saw, so that I can share it.

The only point here is to look for the moments in the day where you can find the beauty of the earth. Take some time to focus on them, to see them from a new perspective, to record what you see and feel.  This is how you build your world, your life: one moment at a time.

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I have begun reading Alberto Villoldo’s The Four Insights this weekend, which is not to say that I did not read all of it–only that I will be reading it again and again in great detail. Villoldo discusses the shamanism of the Laika, a group associated with the the Inka of Peru, with whom he studied for 25 years.

Insight is the perfect title for these perspectives on reality because they teach how to see the Universe within oneself, and oneself within the Universe.   Each insight is linked to a totem animal:  Snake, Jaguar, Hummingbird, Eagle.  What I found coincidental –or more likely, synchronistic– is that as I have studied energy work, magic, and manifesting, I made associations with Snake (feminine earth magic of renewal) and with Jaguar (community, relationship, creativity).  Both of these associations happened years–even a decade before I read this book this weekend, but Villoldo’s explanations of how these insights work and what their gifts are align perfectly with my experience of them.

My magical name, Snake Dancer, came to me as I studied the feminine mysteries in a Dianic circle. I came there to learn about the divine feminine and to make my transition from mother to crone. This experience was very helpful in learning new stories and new perspectives on stories I knew, not only about goddess wisdom, but about my own stories. Yet it did not free me from my old stories, but added a victimized feminist layer to them, and an angry energy of retaliation.  It was not the peace I had been looking for, the peace and happy acceptance of my femininity.The Laika are based in a divine feminine relationship with not only the earth, but the connection to spirit.

Five years ago, I decided to go to graduate school to study mythology, and on the first day of class, our group became the Jaguars, or the Jags, because of a dream one of our professors had the night before.  This group, which over the two years we were in school together coalesced as eleven women and one man, is now my sisters and brothers.  Each of us has experienced the community of a new family, and each of us has found a source of energy for our creativity, our expression of the life force as it comes through our talents and training, through teaching, leading spirit journeys, or finding new vocation.

On my next reading, I will be working through each exercise, focusing first on the Snake energy of the first chakra, to understand more deeply the focus on the physical realm, but my goal will be to learn how to move my consciousness from one insight to the other and to know from experience which to use for what purpose. Then I will focus on getting a clearer vision from the Jaguar level, the level of relationship and creativity, to be more consciously aware of what I know subconsciously.

Reading this book tells me that I will be moving into the energy of the hummingbird, seeing with the third eye, and better able to visualize my dreams and remove my blocks to making them happen–being my own fairy godmother. Finally, I can reach to the Eagle perspective and begin to be more aware of myself in the flow of the energy of the Universe, and to recognize in an experiential way how I am related to  All That IS.

It can hardly be coincidence that a friend urged me to buy this book and read it at this time when I am feeling stuck and not sure where to aim myself. Gaining the four insights will help me look into the future and find the future I want, and to clear out the blocks of the past that have so far kept me from even knowing what I want.

If you don’t know what you want, you certainly can’t wish for it. I do not want to limit myself to the survival wishes of the Snake–food, shelter, money, security. Instead, I want to complete my destiny for this lifetime,  to do what I came here to do, to learn what that is, and to accomplish it. Villoldo will be one of my guides along the way.

NOTE: the link  to The Four Insights is an Amazon affiliate link. I will get a kickback from Amazon if you purchase the book from them through my link.

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Maybe I am just getting old, but it seems that my cat and I both wake up at 3:30 or so every morning. She goes out, I go, and then I lie in the bed wishing myself back to sleep.

For the last couple of days, I’ve been writing instead. This is taking an action to be who I say I am, a writer.  After all, once you have a goal, and even part of a plan, then you have to take some kind of action, the next logical step. This alerts the Universe that you are shifting in your vibration. That’s what “be the change” means. At least 2 cents worth of it.

I’d rather be asleep, but I am here pecking away rather than half-dreaming about facebook and wordpress connections and figuring them out.  What I need today is  to find that peaceful place that says ” This too shall pass.”  It’s not like anything in my life is hard.  No earthquakes, no floods, no dings on my new car from the hailstorm yesterday, plenty of foodin the fridge, and I have a home, a warm bed, a cat…nothing here to complain about.

I’ll get the kinks smoothed out.  I was going to write “hammered” and then “ironed” but I am working on changing the language I use to be softer, less forceful and violent.  I want to think in ways that are more peaceful and to become less frustrated with learning new computer skills to translate human desires into digital content.

Change your thoughts, change your world.

It’s quiet and peaceful at 4 am.  The cat sits staring into the dark outside the window, and the turtle snoozes with his beak just breaking the water. I’m wrapped up in my afgan to stay warm in my nightgown.  I might even go back to bed for another hour, having written.  Maybe I’ll dream of the solution I am looking for,and maybe I won’t be so worried about it if it doesn’t come to me today.

Life is good.  Come on, cat. Let’s get another snooze in.

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In a discussion about manifesting abundance yesterday, my friend asked me if I had ever gone shopping and enjoyed thinking about having something without actually worrying about being able to buy it.

An image came back to me from over thirty years ago. I was in Atlanta in 1972 as part of an Outward Bound course, which was part of my student teaching experience. After spending three weeks in Linville Gorge near Morganton, NC, learning wilderness camping, rock climbing and rappelling, we were paired off and taken to Peachtree & 10th in Atlanta for a few days of survival in the urban wilderness, from Thursday to Saturday. I had no money, no id, only a phone number in case of arrest.

This was full-tilt hippiedom; people were openly selling drugs on the sidewalks. By Friday night, after several minor adventures, I caught up with several others in our group, and we headed for the Underground where there were a few shops and restaurants, but mostly undeveloped, dark, wet tunnels around the MARTA station—sounds like a soul journey, yes?

Lady's Slipper Orchid

In one of the shops, I saw a blown-glass sculpture of a lady’s slipper orchid, about a foot tall, more than twice the size of the real plant. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen—and only $800. The petals radiated out from the rounded slipper, and the stem and leaves were like rays of energy rising from the base. It may have been lighted from the base; it glowed in its corner against a gray wall. It used only shape and line, no texture, no colors, no attempt to make it look “real” but only to abstract the line, the essence of the form in a material state.

I fell in love. I felt immeasurably poor, because I could hardly imagine $800, and could not ever imagine having enough money to buy such a beautiful and useless thing.

A few years later, I took a sculpture class, and as my project, I tried to make my own flower from cast acrylic resin—I wanted to do an iris, but I wanted to make the same kind of beautiful image that I had seen in Atlanta.

I failed miserably—I did not have the skill and knowledge of the media to make the model, much less the mold and the casting. My teacher gave me a B because of the difficulty of the project, even though my efforts did not work. That was a new concept for me that one could fail in a successful way.

Only a few years ago, I went with a hiking group to see a place where there were many lady’s slippers in manicured woods behind a large tract house. They were delicate and beautiful, but not so much so as the image I have of that sculpture. They did not glow in their shady park.

Yesterday I told my friend that I did have such a memory, and she asked it if I owned it. Yes, I own that sculpture, that sensuous lady’s slipper. It glows in my mind as if it were in a specially lighted nook in my living room. And that is how I learn to manifest abundance. Now I can feel rich to know that image without having to worry about ever breaking it or getting tired of it.

The image is not of the orchid that I saw, which was all clear glass, but it’s pretty close. Now you can see and own it too.

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Nyx - Goddess of the Night

I used to get aggravated at my cat who seems to think that a 4 am wake-up call is in order, but it seems that I wake up now whether the cat does or not, even if she is outside for the night.  I’m at the age where answering the call of nature often  requires me to roll out of my warm quilt sometime after midnight, and getting back to sleep can take a while. If I ignore the thoughts running through my head and cover my eyes with my quilt, I may oversleep and have to dash out to get to work on time. Another morning, another call wasted.

It seems that I have not been doing my due diligence, taking the action that I need to feel happy and soul-fed.  I haven’t been writing, not on my second novel, not on my blogs, and not on anything else except cryptic comments on student papers.  My brain seems to be backed up, too full of unwritten stuff to think clearly, and with several projects at work and at home that need my attention, the backlog needs to be cleared out.  Part of wish craft is doing the action steps that present themselves, even if answering that call to action involves hauling oneself out of bed at 4 am and pecking at the keyboard.  The call must be answered.

Alice Walker writes of being awakened by a poem that demands to be written, how it sends her on a guilt trip of awareness of where she has been and what she has seen with her one good eye. People who only know Walker’s deep fiction should read her often deceptively simple poetry.  She answers the call, even in the dark far before dawn.

If the call is not answered, it gets louder, and puts more stumbling blocks for us to fall over, to get our attention, to yell from the lair of the soul, like Seymore the carnivorous plant: “FEEEEED MEEEEE!!!”   Such a call cannot be answered by food, drink or other sense-numbing substances, like a sugar-tit for a baby. It can only  be answered in reply, in expression, in action. All the productivity gurus, such as Simpleology’s Mark Joyner, talk about taking action, but it’s important to listen for the call, to understand what action needs to be taken, the next logical step.

So I am up this morning, only an hour or so earlier than usual, when the house is quiet except for the waterfall sounds of the turtle pond filters,  and the street outside is dark, except for the orange security light the neighbor put in that reflects the broad shiny magnolia leaves in front of whatever he is protecting in that dark corner of his yard. But I am answering the call, opening the way for the words to flow, and feeling a sense of relief that there are words, that there is substance within that wants to be expressed, and giving up an hour of restless tossing and turning is a small price to pay.

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I was given an amaryllis for Christmas this year–a common present for a person who doesn’t need anything in particular. I have been surprised at the emotional response I have felt at watching it grow. It is like a new friend who is sharing secrets with me.

In the box was a plain, white ceramic pot, a disk of what looked like a thick coaster of compressed pencil shavings, and a dried-out bulb the size of a large onion. Two pale nubs, like giant fingernails, stuck out from the bulb, and only their waxy fullness showed that the whole thing was not completely dead. But what a difference now that I’ve added water, set it in the window, and waited a couple of weeks.

When I put the disk of shavings into a cup of warm water, it expanded into more medium–it isn’t dirt–than would fit into the pot, even without the bulb.  I made a hole in it for the bulb and packed the damp medium around the bulb, letting the nubs and the collar of wrinkled skin stick up into the air. It didn’t look promising.

Two or three days later, the nubs turned green and then grew so fast I could almost see them stretching, half an inch or more a day.  Now the flower stalk is up, the bud like the head of a crane taking off from a lake.

Just add water. That’s all I have done, add water and made a small space for it in my life amidst the clutter on my desk at home.  The life force in the bulb has done all the work.  I’ve seen these bulbs in the stores after Christmas, sprouting out of their boxes where no one is watering or watching them.  They strive for life, growth, bloom, fruit. but with no care, the leaves wilt and die. They just need a bit of water and light.

What about that  life force within us that strives to bloom, to push up out of the boxes where we are stuck, waiting for someone to put a  little water on us?

Unlike bulbs, we can do this ourselves, by watering our inner spirit with listening, in silence, with natural sounds, with soothing music, with time to let the spirit move–spirit needs exercise as much as body.

The life force is there within us. Our beautiful flower waits impatiently to burst forth and stretch to the light, to open to share fertilizing ideas and interaction with other spirits. It wants to bring forth its fruit, a quickening of renewal.

Marion Woodman says that people who turn to drugs like amphetamines and cocaine are looking for light in their darkness, that people who abuse alcohol are looking for spiritual peace.  How much spiritual damage starts with lack of water from ourselves, from our families and friends and institutions that claim to support us?

I think much of the spiritual starvation of our times is based on the substitution of spiritual snack-food bumper stickers, artificially-sweetened platitudes, and over-processed entertainment that keeps us perched, dried out, on top of in our compressed disk of time management and frenetic activity.  No water is there, or only water that is contaminated with the equivalent of high-fructose corn syrup, artificial colors, and unpronounceable preservatives.

Listening is water to the spirit. Listening takes time and space away from the clutter of the modern world. Writing, drawing, playing music, walking in nature, practicing craft, stretching talent, petting the cat or dog, doing the work at hand, all of these things water the spirit if done with intent to listen, for spirit strives toward the light, towards life.

Spirit is waiting to talk. Are you listening?

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I’m working on my plan for the new year, not wishes, not resolutions, but what I PLAN to SEE this year.  I plan to see credit cards paid off. I plan to see my novel published. I plan to walk and dance pain free.

I’m still working on my findagoddess project, but yesterday I was able to spend five minutes on an update. That’s what I wanted, even though the delete process is not complete.

But I can see that some of my projects are going to be shelved for a while, so that the others can prosper and develop. That takes planning, which I am working on now.

If you need some help getting your plan together, visit Janet Conner’s Blog Writing Down Your Soul.

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