Be Your Own Fairy Godmother

Dogwood berries in the rain

A wish is a mental contrast between what you perceive and what you want. What if you could change what you perceive? If you change what you think about the circumstances, you have a wider range of options for your response, and your response is what makes you happy.

On a rainy day, it’s easy to complain about the damp and the cold. But it’s also easy to think about the air being cleaned, the land soaking up life-giving water, and the reservoirs being replenished.

While you are driving to work in the rain, you notice that some people drive fast, ignoring the weather. You can choose how you feel about that, judging them: “That idiot should not be driving like that!” or observing them: “He’s in a hurry. I’ll get out of his way.”

Suppose you think of a woman who whines and complains. What she wishes for is to be heard and accepted. She may be unskilled in getting the kind of strokes she wants.

If your own ego feels that it is not getting as much attention as her whining does, you compete with her story, playing “mine is worse than yours” so that you both feel worse. Instead, look for another tactic. Your goal might be to give her some of the attention she wants, rather than trying to make her change her behavior.

What if you treated her as you might treat your cat, when you cat wants to be petted despite your impending deadline? The cat wants what it wants now, and it may be very persistent. You might push it away only to have it return to bother you, but you might also take a short break and pet it.

What if you agreed with her? “Yes, you must have found that frustrating. You didn’t like that response. You thought the other person should have done something different.” You could listen without comment, nodding with a few affirmative sounds.

You might be able to give her the strokes she wants, like petting your cat, and after a few minutes, excuse yourself with a kind comment: “You will manage to work this out.”

Granting your own wish can often be accomplished by changing how you perceive the circumstances. Instead of whining, find a bit of appreciation and give yourself that stroke of compassion.

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In the Elusinian mysteries, Persephone brings spring into the world as the Kore, the Maiden, and all rejoice as she returns to visit her mother Demeter, goddess of grain and plenty. But in the fall, Persephone returns to the underworld where she rules as Queen

What is in her carry-on as she rides the chariot with Hades back to Hell?

She doesn’t need any 2 ounce bottles of cosmetics in ziplock bags because she already has her divine beauty sleep waiting for her when she arrives.

She doesn’t need any clothing—she is no longer the daughter of the grain goddess, but the goddess of the underworld in her own right.

She doesn’t need identification, a passport or even a penny to pay the ferryman because she knows who she is, and so does everyone else.

Nothing from the upper world will sustain her in the underworld darkness that she does not provide herself. Rather she and her husband Haides/Pluton, God of Wealth, pour out the bounty that comes from the earth.

That inner presence is also in each of us. We are all chthonic deities within our own lives, living from our grounded inner abundance even if we are not aware of it. We often sortie forth, like the Maiden, open and vulnerable on the outside, but within, we are strong, large and in charge, and even awesome in any sense of the word.  But we forget.

What baggage do we bring to the inner journey to the High Self, our inner Queen of Destiny? Guilt. Doubt. Regret. Mistrust. Fear. Resentment. Self-righteousness.  Rage.

Leaving behind the trappings of ego, like leaves shed in autumn, to face our inner Beauty and Truth brings us like Persephone in to our own power. We are each enough to create our world and to direct our thoughts into being.

As queen of the underworld, Persephone releases the shades from their earthly memories, but she has the power to allow them to keep their wits, as she did with Tiresias, the blind seer.  We have the power to create our own reality, to believe in ourselves and in our ability to see past the illusions of our interpretations of the past.

What if everything has always worked out for the best in the long run? What if we could never make a mistake?

What would we do in the next moment that would make our dearest wish come true?

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Stuck energy, as in the kinds of resentments that we hold on to long after the damage was done, keeps you from getting what you want.

Forgiveness does not mean allowing the same behavior to happen again, nor does it mean to trust that other has changed. What it does mean is to release your  anger and shame and guilt and desire for revenge. Forgiveness lets the energy flow away from that sore place and to heal, much in the same way that a scratch on your arm will heal a lot faster if you don’t pick at it.

In Yesterday, I Cried, Iyanla Vanzant tells the story of how she came to forgive  man who molested her when she was very young.  It was not an easy process, but she eventually came to see what happened through his eyes, through his intent, which was blurred by the fact that he was drinking. She did not excuse the drinking nor his actions, but pardoned his sin against her.  She forgave him for the hurt he had caused her some twenty years before, freeing her own energy to move past the event, and to be in the present as she made her choices for the future.

She even has a diet book, the Forgiveness Diet, based on the idea that we protect ourselves from hurt by being fat. If we can release the stuck energy of anger at the person, shame from the experience, guilt of being unable to stop it from happening and resentment of reliving the event over and over, then we can move on with our lives, and leave the fat behind as well.

Whom should you forgive first?

You.

None of us is happy about every choice we have made, and none of us thinks we are perfect. There is always some action or thought that we feel we must hide. But you can forgive yourself. One way is to tap the first joint of your index finger (an energy meridian) and say simply “I forgive myself.” As your thoughts stray to things you feel shame or guilt about, add that to the phrase: “I forgive myself for eating two slices of pie after lunch.”

Patricia Carrington, a practitioner of the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) has many protocols for tapping on several meridian points on your face and hands to work through the release of these stuck energies. Her process focuses first on the resistance and the event and then on the affirmation to release the energy.   Beginning with your feelings towards the person, you tap around the various meridian points to see what other thoughts and feelings come up. As you work through them, your energy shifts–sometimes in as few as five minutes, if you are willing to let it go.

Abraham says to write a list of positive aspects about the person, or about what surviving the experience make it possible for you to do. No person is completely bad, and if you can find some kind of gift in the experience, then you can heal it.  What you may have to give up is self-righteous indignation and ego-tripping poor-me stories. Alberto Villoldo tells of the stuck story of Victim, Perpetrator and Rescuer. If you play any one of those roles, you will be sucked into the others, perhaps perpetrating on others, making them victims as you try to rescue them. This is what is meant by “getting the board out of your own eye before you get the speck of dust out of your brother’s eye.”

Another way is to write it down, over and over. Jesus says that any person,  including you, deserves to be forgiven 70 x 7. One way to do that is to get a college-rule notebook, and each morning and evening for a week, write “I forgive you, Your Name.”  If you write two lines in the top margin and one on the margin below the last line, you can write 35 lines, which twice a day makes 70, and a week makes 70 x 7.  Then start on the next person on your list for the next week.

Writing takes a lot of focused brain power: seeing, thinking, saying the words to your self and hearing them,  even if not out loud, making them physical with the many movements of your fingers on the pen over the paper.  Writing the same thing over and over can even put you in a light trance, which makes the information of forgiveness part of your subconscious mind.

Make a list of people you can forgive, and maybe a list of those whom you can’t forgive.  Work the first list first, and then start on the second.

As you work on forgiveness, remember that you are forgiven. You are worthy.  You deserve whatever you want. Move yourself in the direction of what you want by leaving the past behind. Whom can you forgive today?

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A new word to day from Crossroad Dispatches: Eudaimonism.

eudaemonism, also spelled eudaimonism, or eudemonism, in ethics, a self-realization theory that makes happiness or personal well-being the chief good for man. The Greek wordeudaimonia means literally “the state of having a good indwelling spirit, a good genius.”

The indwelling spirit of each of us is that Genius, that which is called variously Source, Spirit, Spark of Divine or simply God/dess.  That conscious ness that is you is the consciousness of the Universe experiencing life AS YOU!

Umair Haquesays here about the classic Greek principle of eudaimonia: “Eudaimonic prosperity, in contrast, is about mastering a new set of habits: igniting the art of living meaningfully well. An active conception of prosperity, it’s concerned not with what one has, but what one is capable of.”

To grant one’s own wishes is more than making a few tweaks in one’s lifestyle. It is a transformation, magical and spiritual, of your perspective, of your purpose in life, of your goals.

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” – Bucky Fuller

What are you truly capable of?  Whatever you dream of , it is the Genius Within that dreams.  Dare to make that wish. Dare to find and fulfill your purpose. Listen to that genius within.

Take the baby steps in the direction you want to go–even if it’s only putting geraniums on the porch or writing that first sonnet or making a new game [social chocolate]

You Daimon You!

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Keeping thoughts focused on what you want is a key to being your own fairy godmother. Why is that so hard? Don’t we know what we want?

Of course, but we also know what we don’t want, which often is the situation that we see before our very eyes.  It’s easy to think habitual thoughts that go against what you really want. Instead of  looking in the  mirror and saying, “I love you,” you say “Oh if I could only lose some weight” or “You fat slob!” Worse, you may avoid looking in the mirror at all and just turn away, afraid of what you might see. What kind of message does that send to your body? It says you are too loathsome even to contemplate.

What a load of crap!  You are the best you can be for this moment–you are not finished yet (you aren’t dead, right?) So you have more manifesting to do. Remember that everything you manifest (whether it’s what you prefer or not) expands the Universe. So, manifest what you do want.

Thinking habits are much more important to replace with new “Brain Maps” as described by Sean D’Souza.  To change a thinking habit, say, aloud, “Stop. Cancel.”  Then say your name and speak whatever it is you do want.

Instead of beating yourself up, say “I love you.” Better yet, go to the bathroom right now, look yourself in the eye (all eyes are beautiful) and say, “I’m your fairy godmother and I’m going to make all your wishes come true!”

Will it feel fake? Yes, at first. Then smile at yourself, grin at your laugh wrinkles and say it again. “I love you, (your name), and I’m going to make all your wishes come true.”  The third time is the charm, so say it again, with feeling, and know that it is so.

If you are not aware of Psychotactics by Sean D’Souza, go there now and sign up for his newsletter or RSS feed. (I am not an affiliate, but I am a customer).

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Today is the summer solstice–the longest day of the year. In far northern climes, the sun does not set, but only circles the horizon. Further south,  (way further south where I am), it’s the official beginning of summer, and it’s just very hot.

Fire ceremonies have always been part of the summer solstice celebration–bonfires are good anytime–and they help us to get into that mental space where we can burn up the old crap and get our enthusiasm fired up.

Write down on a piece of paper all the situations that you want to release. On another piece of paper, write down what you want to replace the situations that you want to release. For example, if you feel that there is never enough time to get things done, you might release that situation, and in its place, claim that there is enough time, and that you have the time management skills to do  the important things. You might also release the confusion and fuzziness to have clarity of mind about what is important for your purpose in life.

State your new thoughts in present tense: “I am clear in mind. I know my purpose. I have time to do what I want to do to fulfill my purpose.”

Then burn the first piece of paper in a safe way. As the paper burns, say “I release old habits and now change my thoughts.”  Finish burning, and clean up the mess, burying the ashes.

Then tape the second on your bathroom mirror. Read it aloud ten times a day.  Write it down every day until you begin to think your new thoughts.

A belief is something that you have thought many times. Today is the perfect day to start thinking new thoughts and building new beliefs.

I have time. I have clarity. I know my purpose. I am the person I have always wanted to be. I am fulfilling my purpose.  I am fired up with enthusiasm!

Happy Solstice!

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Radio Active and Invisible?

Sometimes I get truth from the least likely places.

“Do you ever feel invisible?” asked the woman on the radio.

She assured me that her skin cream would make me radiant, and people would see me again.  I wondered for a minute if I would be radiant as in radioactive…shining blue in the night.  Would people be able to see me, or only hear a faint Geiger counter sound as I walked by.

I walked past two women today at my favorite garden, and they acted as if they didn’t see me. Maybe they are just not from the Southern USA and don’t know that they should acknowledge other people.  But I think I was invisible.

I’m not that hard to see. In fact, I’d be hard to miss. One of my challenges is to have a normal sized body, not to be fat.  However, one of my deepest fears is that if I lose weight, down to what the weight charts say a person my height and age should weigh, that I would disappear. That I will be invisible.

This is obviously some deep-seated neurosis, but the commercial had me thinking.

What would make me invisible? I think the answer is that I have not been full of myself lately (no comment on what I might be full of).

Think of a child playing in joy and exuberance:  she’s full of herself.

If your are full of yourself, you are not invisible.  It’s not the noise you make, or the application of emollients or any other outer circumstances.

Being visible means being full of yourself, being fully present now and here.  How can you receive the gift of the present if you aren’t present?

My answer to my weight problem is to be full of me…not chocolate, fried chicken or banana pudding.  I need to be full of myself, fully present, and thinking about what I do want, instead of what I don’t want. One, I would not notice if someone else did not acknowledge me, because I would be busily involved in living my own life.

More importantly, however,  in being fully present myself, I might notice others, acknowledge them, and let them know they are not invisible.  Or I might just observe them and write them into my next novel.

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An inner demon is an inner demand that we act in a certain way.

Take the winter holidays, for example, beginning with the sugar high of Halloween and ending with the chocolate high of Single Awareness Day (February 14). The holidays crank up our inner demons, the inner demands that we make on ourselves to reach a spiritual high from retail overdose–too much candy, too much turkey and dressing, too much TV, too much football–and so it goes.  Hmmmm. There’s a bug in the system.

Inner demons are only stories we keep telling ourselves. The more I tell the story, the more it become true, the more the Universe makes it true by bringing it into my experience. Change the story by doing something different.

Scrooge is right: HallowThanksMasBowlVentine is mostly humbug. Sparkly lights, shiny ribbons, and maudlin elevator music encourage people to overspend their income and their emotional reserves in search of an illusion. They yearn for frozen precipitation based on a top-40 song from a low budget musical from the 40′s, and ignore the damage they do to themselves with poor nutrition and unrealistic expectations.

Scrooge gives up the rage against Christmas in the face of death, opening his heart to excise the loneliness so well-motivated in the past. He is willing to change his story, once he is very clear on what the end will be, both for him and Tiny Tim. He chooses to be happy, and the “demon” spirits that he fears leave him alone. He changes his actions to tell a new story about who he is. He gives up the old story and tells a new one.

For some people it’s a heart attack; for others it takes cancer, but few are willing to change without hitting a bottom of some sort–a self-spanking, if you will. For we all bring it on ourselves.

Changing the story means giving up the excuse of “That’s just how I am.” It means making a different response to the same stimulus. It means doing one thing different, taking one action that does not complete the story in the usual way. It means twisting the plot by not doing the one thing I want to do so badly because that is what I have always done. It is transforming the role I have rehearsed in telling my story over and over.

It’s often hard to change the story, especially if someone else has a stake in your keeping it the same. Remember the news stories of the next to last week of December? All about how retail merchants might be in the black after all–save the economy with retail therapy. Damn the credit card bills: CHARGE!

How can the story be changed? Stop telling it. When the urge to say the words again comes up, resist. Talk about something else. Don’t use the story to build the emotion that will trigger the conditioned response, the inner demand, the inner demon.

When the story comes back, say to yourself, “AHA! Humbug!” and tell those inner demons where to go. Take a different action, and become the hero of a new story.

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How many unhappy people did you see today?  How much bitching, moaning, whining, and complaining did you hear –or even participate in yourself?

If we are all so unhappy, why don’t we do something about it? It’s not that hard to change what you think.

But it is hard to STOP.

Here’s the rub. Feeling happy is uncomfortable.  The happy vibration clashes with the vibration we have, like fingernails on a chalk board–or listening to Pachelbel’s Canon when you are expecting Radiohead. Imagine an old-school rapper being forced to listen to  Saint Saens, or vice versa.

It’s like a new pair of Birkenstocks. You have to wear them a while before they take on the shape of your feet. It takes a few days to break them in.  If you just jump on them and go on a ten-mile hike, you won’t make it.

Changing an emotional state is the same way. It takes effort to think new thoughts with positive messages and then NOT to follow them with cynical or sarcastic humor that just slaps us us back down where we are used to being.

You think, “I could win the lottery,”  raising your vibration to hope. But then you add, “I’d just have to hide out from everyone who wanted to get my money.”

That CLUNK sound is your vibration hitting bottom.

You dutifully write your affirmations:  I am debt free. I am healthy. I am thin…but with each stroke of the pen, you think about how much shorter than the month your paycheck is, or how thin people have to watch what they eat, or how hard it would be to exercise.

CLUNK.

Being unhappy is only comfortable because you are used to it. You practice it very hard every day.

If you worked at anything as hard as you work at being unhappy, you’d be the world’s leading expert. That big weight that holds you down and makes you tired when you get up in the morning is the chain of unhappiness you forged yesterday, and that you are forging every minute that you aren’t working to be postive.

Try for fifteen minutes, five minutes even,  to think a positive thought whenever you hear something unhappy.  Do you get stopped by the traffic light? Admire the glow of the red light.  Congratulate yourself for driving safely.  Take a deep breath and say, “I’m doing well today.”  Anything positive.

Every time you start to say “Yes, But…”, STOP.

Start
Talking
Only
Positive.

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The old oak lets the other plants grow in its branches.

I heard my coworker complaining about one of our prospective students–one we probably don’t want. How hard it was to let her speak her truth and not try to change her mind. That her words irritated me shows me that I still want to fix other people.

That doesn’t work. It really doesn’t work when they don’t ask to be fixed, since they don’t see themselves as broken. That’s my perception.

Heal myself is all I can do.

Speak what I want. Think what I want. Meditate on what I want. Ask for what I want, and work while I am waiting for the answers to tell me what to do next. It’s so simple.

Not a big ritual with lots of drama. Not an unpronounceable incantation.  No fireworks or immolation or pain.  Simply changing my mind, at the right time, NOW.

It may not be my job to figure out how I can get what I want, what steps to take,  what jobs to do, because first I must believe, and imagine, and trust that what I want, wants me too.

No, that’s not very realistic.  But so far, realistic hasn’t done much for me. I do have to pay the bills and go in to work every day, at least for now, until I can see what the next step is.  I can be at peace where I am as I am working and waiting. After all, the job I have now is a cinch compared to others I have done.

It’s a manifestation along the way to have a full-time job with benefits doing work I like and learning new stuff every day. It’s a manifestation to find old pastimes boring and to be restless for writing and other creative activities. It’s a manifestation to see beauty in both sun and rain, wind and calm, weeds and flowers.

It hasn’t always been that way, but I am learning.  Think about what I want ONLY. Say what I want ONLY.  Find those rosy, optimistic glasses and put them over my mental filter.  I am more aware every day of the good things that come to me and how lucky I truly am.   The more aware I am, the more blessings come my way.

May you, too, blessed be.

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